Life-isms

Many, many thoughts go through my head every minute, and I plan for so many of them to make their way to this lovely blog-land.  But lo and behold, that has not been happening.  So here are some snippets of life here as of late...

1.  I wore some grey linen pants yesterday and they just felt funny.  Something didn't fit right, but I couldn't tell what was different about them from my other linen pants I wear pretty often.  Until I took them off last night and saw "maternity" on the tag.  That'll do it.

2.  I'm going to the Air1 Positive Hits concert next Sunday night, and I'm pretty pumped!  Our group will be comprised of an 18, 19, 20, 21, and 28 year old.  I cannot guarantee that I will not pretend to be 22.  Or 17. I mean that kind of pattern just needs to be continued.  No need to be an outlier.

3. I just did a cartwheel for the first time in probably 12 years.  I was strangely terrified, but I nailed it.   And impressed my 30 year old and 3 year old.  Boom.

4.  We're starting the book club next Tuesday on Jen Hatmaker's newest book For the Love.  I read it in just a few days as soon as I got it, and I am so looking forward to giggling and learning life together with my girls in the comfort of my pjs.  And Jen is my BFF (even though she isn't completely aware of that and we've only met briefly)...so spending four weeks with her (one night a week via live streaming, but who needs specifics) is making my heart flutter.

--if you live near me and want to join in on this, please let me know!  You are so very welcomed to join us...laid back and simply good--

5.  My wee babe is teething mega bad.  He's cranky--mind you, his version of cranky is still more pleasant than a lot of babies' norm, so I'll take it no problem--and his poor gums are so freakin' swollen.  Four molars at the same time.  Bless his beautiful heart.

6.  Hunter slept in Bella's room Friday night (so they both went to bed at 9:30) and then they went out on the boat all day long Saturday.  What did I decide was the best way to spend all of this "free" time?  Watch approximately (or exactly) 14 episodes of Grey's Anatomy.  And 4 more today.  Lovely.

7.  I finally got a meal plan done again and I feel so incredibly accomplished.  We are eating good home-cookin' for the next three weeks for sure, and the brain power that goes into deciding what to cook was spent ahead of time.  What a glorious tone that sets for my evening!

8.  The amount of times I have to say "no" during the day in some form or fashion is just enough to make my eyes twitch.
"No sir, don't open the entertainment center cabinets."
"Bella, do not drag your brother across the floor."
"Kaplan, do not put _________ in your mouth."  (inserts electrical cord, grass, old food, dog food, etc...because he puts everything in his mouth.)
"No you may not have candy for breakfast."
"No sir. Don't bite."
"Bella, quit laying on your brother."
and it goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on............

9.  I have been in a major purging mood since we found out we will be in this house for a few more years.  And now that I have time to do it, things are leaving this house left and right.  And we're rearranging to make it feel fresh and more workable for us. Absolutely love it.

10.  I've been completely fine without cable for the past three months.  But now my shows are all about to start back up and I'm getting the twitters...(Grey's Anatomy, The Blacklist, Fixer Upper, Dancing With the Stars).  Not to mention football season.  Oy.  Deep breaths.

11.  We were able to go to Austin and Kemah and Branson and Kansas City (twice) and St. Louis within a month's time.  Such a blast to travel to so many places with all different combinations of people and make memories like nobody's business.  But also so good to have some down time at home these next few weeks.

12.  The "threenager" phase is about to be the death of someone in this family.  The arguing and whining and melting down and sassing and crying and shouting and fighting and deliberately disobeying (definitely feel like Mufasa every time I bust out that line) is just enough to drive me to the brink of insanity.  And then she smiles.  Or snuggles in sweet.  Or kisses me without being asked. Or tells me she loves me.  And I melt.  Thank God for those moments.  And for wine.

To quote Glennon, because I love this term so much..."life is brutiful."

xoxo, angie

sick of being sick

My kids have been sick for months.  MONTHS.  Arabella came down with a cold two days after Kaplan was born and has had some form of ick ever since.  Kaplan joined those ranks around Thanksgiving and has held onto his congestion as well.

And I am SO over it.

This past week has just been terrible.  My girl has not been herself at all.  Fever on and off, randomly putting herself to bed or going to sleep extremely early, whining out the wazoo, refusing to eat...NO fun.  And my boy's cough came back with a vengeance when we got home from vacation.  So back to the doctor's office we went.  For what I believe was around the 16th or more visit since K was born...not even four months ago.  Ridiculous.  Ri-dic-u-lous. {the amount of prescriptions we've had is also just nutty.}

Today has laughed at me in the face.  And I have not laughed back.  Arabella has been a whiney, melting down mess.  And Kaplan, on top of his lovely cold, seems to have also contracted the stomach bug that my mom had earlier this week.  Throw up everywhere, diarrhea diapers, only Pedialyte through the night...

I'm just SO over it.  Still (in case you thought something had changed).

I used to check the blog daily and go read all of the posts that my fellow bloggers were so dedicated in posting.  But these past few months, that habit has dwindled...sadly.  Today, something struck me to go visit my "friends" worlds, and I'm so glad I did.

Ryan at Loved and Lovely posted this:

"(And, in case it wasn't completely and utterly obvious, I'm not happy about or proud of having worked so much and would never hold last month up as an example of how well I'm doing at life. I sucked at life last month on basically every level. But that's just the way things go sometimes. There are incredible months, and there are terrible months, and there are months that you won't even remember because they flew by in such an unceremonious way. You have to add them all up and take an average. Somewhere in the midst of the awesome and not-so awesome, you've probably got a pretty sweet, little life. Am I right?)"

And oh how those words resonated with me!  In the midst of this crappy, sickly, nasty, whiney time...it'll all average out.  This too shall pass and good times will be had again.  And oh how I hope and pray they come sooner rather than later.  Because we do have a pretty sweet little life.

So until then, we're headed back to the doctor's office in the morning.  Again.  {this has to be some sort of record}.  I also order some Thieves and Purification Essential Oils that should be here in the next few days.  This germ fest has got to find somewhere else to set up shop.  The Newby family is just done.

hoping you're healthy...

love, angie

Can I just be honest?

**Warning:  this post is a major vent session for me, and about a topic that has the possibility of being "controversial".  If you choose to read it and your response is ugly or judgmental, please, for the sake of this tired mama's sanity and sense of worth, keep it to yourself.**

I know I haven't gotten around to writing out the birth story just yet, but we had our little boy 3 weeks ago.  He was a biggun and all in all is a really good baby.

And golly, he's pretty.  Just like his big sister.  They are my greatest gifts and I love my babies dearly.

But can I just be honest about a couple of things?  A couple of things I really don't like?

1.  I really don't like (as in on the verge of using hate most of the time)...breastfeeding.

With Arabella, I only lasted 3 weeks.  And honestly, I don't know how on earth I lasted as long as I did with her.  I was sick (anemia, very low blood counts, irregular blood pressure, and a very destructive gall bladder) without really knowing the extent; so I was even more exhausted than newborn normal and I just never felt good at all.  I also never produced enough milk for her, so she was very restless and fussy...because I was basically starving her.  It became my strongest trigger for postpartum depression and things turned ugly quick.  After some talking with my husband and sister to work through my feelings of guilt and failure, and talking to my nurse about what all was going on and how I was feeling, I found myself no longer breastfeeding (one of the biggest feelings of relief in my life) and on a nice little dose of anti-depressant.  For me, it was the right decision.

After that experience, I really had no idea if I would even try to breastfeed again.  I shocked a lot of people (myself included) when we got pregnant with Kaplan and I told them I wanted to try again.  We're at the three mark right now, and I can honestly say things are going so much smoother with him.  I'm producing, he's latching (usually) and growing, he's put himself on a pretty regular eating schedule.  But guess what...I still hate it.

There are SO many pushes right now for breastfeeding.  And while I think that's great because I really do know, understand, and believe the benefits of nursing...I also find them pretty judgmental and detrimental to those of us mamas who choose to or must use formula.  I'm sure this post alone will get some feathers ruffled of those who are extremely passionate breastfeeders.  But that's not my intention at all.  I simply need an outlet and this is one of my best; plus I know there are other mamas who feel the same way I do, and I personally know how important it is to realize and recognize you aren't the only one who feels this way.

So why do I not like it?  Let's see...
--I'm so tired of being sore.  (plus, he has thrush, so that has made us both hurt and even more miserable.)
--I'm really tired of smelling all the time.  It's gross.  The combination of milk, saliva, lanolin, and just nastiness...it smells.
--Feeling helpless is exhausting and very lonely.  I'm so tired of being the only one who can "fix" anything that he needs.  I crave help...and I actually really enjoy (and miss) watching other people being able to feed my babies, especially their daddy.
--Having to sleep in a bra.  And wear one 24/7.  And they aren't cute or comfortable.  Oh, and let's add wearing nursing pads to that.
--I don't like having to remember what I ate and wonder what ingredient "messed him up" or caused him any tummy troubles.  I'm from Louisiana--I love spicy food.  When crawfish fettuccine gave him tummy problems the whole next day, that right there was enough for me to consider calling it quits.
--I strongly dislike comfort nursing.  That whole "strong bonding experience" that everyone claims comes with nursing--yeah, I've never felt that.  I can't stand knowing that he's not hungry but just wants to be on me all the time.
--Figuring out something to wear is even more difficult now than when I was clothing my huge pregnant belly.  I have to find a shirt that can easily be lifted and he fit under or can be pulled down in the front; and I run out of those quickly.  Plus, it's starting to get cold and I really want to wear my hoodies and long sleeve t-shirts...those are so inconducive to nursing.  And by golly, I really just want to wear clothes that fit!
--Feeding takes so long.  He eats pretty much every three hours; sometimes he'll stretch it to four.  Well that's every three hours from when he starts.  And then he eats for 45 minutes at the least.  2 hour breaks...and that's assuming he doesn't comfort nurse in between (which unless he is absolutely sound asleep doesn't happen).
--Convenient?  SO many people tell me all the time how much more convenient breastfeeding is that bottle feeding.  Well, in my opinion, that is definitely not the case.  Sure, it's nice to not have to wash bottles or pack them in the diaper bag.  However, having to plan everything I do around when he eats; having him melt down in the middle of a store or dinner because he's hungry; making sure I'm accessible all the time in case he gets hungry or has one of those needs for a blasted comfort feed...that's not convenient.  Being able to give him a bottle whenever and wherever we are--and that someone else can feed him if I'm doing something else (including taking care of or playing with my other child...)--that is convenience to me.
--It makes me frustrated with my kid, and that's not cool.
--I just really don't like it.


So why have I not stopped?  Let's see...
--everything is working and I feel really guilty and like a complete failure to quit (refer back to all of those pushes for breastfeeding over formula...  not to mention hormones).
--it's free.
--I do know the benefits (trying to decide how my mental and emotional states suffering compares to the benefits).

We're just over 3 weeks with Kaplan (apparently that's my threshold...)  I haven't decided yet how long we'll last.  I am somewhat starting the weaning process because I know it will happen at some point.  And since it needs to go so slowly, I really need it to start now before I lose my mind.  Who knows, maybe in the next couple of weeks I won't mind it as much or may even start to like it.  But even so, I'd be ok with at least a couple-few feedings be by bottle.  We'll see what happens.


While I'm ruffling feathers and being honest, let me tell you what else I'm not a huge fan of.

2.  The newborn stage.

Now, before you go condemning me and gasping in horror, let me clarify that I love newborns.  But it is a completely different beast when you are having to be the life source for one of those tiny critters versus getting to be a good snuggle buddy and then parting ways.

When they're sleeping, there is nothing better than a newborn.  They're tiny and they smell good and they snuggle so well.  But the problem is, they wake up and they wake up POed.  And they wake up a lot.  Especially at night when all you want to do is not wake up.  And they cry a lot.  And they poop all the time and spit up quite a bit.

I went to the Dollar Store by myself the other night to pick up a late night treat (really wanted some ice cream...)  Our Dollar General has an entrance drive in our neighborhood, so it is literally right up the road and I was only gone about 10 minutes.  But as soon as I got in the car and pulled out of my driveway, I was completely overwhelmed with a sense of freedom.  It was completely unexpected and it flooded me.  I had no idea how "trapped" I truly felt until I was able to just be me and just be alone.  Even if it was only for a 10 minute trip to the dollar store.

Call me crazy, but I much prefer about 3 months on up.  When they start to figure things out, gain some personality...when my hormones balance back out...

The really weird thing is that I know I'll miss the newborn stage, even though I really don't like it all that much while I'm in it.  It won't happen immediately, but this tiny, helpless being who is absolutely exhausting will have me missing this phase.  However, those well-intentioned tips to "enjoy every minute"...yeah, that's crap.  I will miss the tiny snuggles and the cooing and the weaker cry (vs. the all out scream fest an older child can produce...weak may not be the right word, but the cry of a newborn is softer and more delicate); I will miss the innocence and the wonder.  But I won't miss the exhaustion and unpredictability...and frankly, those aren't "minutes" I enjoy.


3.  Turnarounds.

Hate them.  And I am SO over this one that my boy is working.


So there ya have it.  Little Kaplan and I will keep trudging along, figuring each other out and what works best for both of us.    Right now though, we're going to take a nap :)

love, angie




PS--I really am ok (after my issues last time, my people start to worry when I get frustrated...).  We get along most of the time and everything is working as well as it's supposed to with a new baby.  Fret not family and friends...I promise I'm not going crazy this time.

Oh, October

I have loved this month and this saying and this picture for a long time.  October is just beautiful.

But let me tell you, this month now holds my heart...because it is now and forever the month when I received my two greatest gifts.

Arabella and Kaplan, you are my two favorite and best reasons to be thankful for Octobers.
And for every other day in between them.

love, mama

a little flashback

Yesterday was so full of whining, it was on the border of ridiculous.  All I had to do was ask her to stop whining--she'd say, "ok", and then ask or tell me whatever it was in her normal voice.  I have no clue (other than being almost 3 years old) why the whining had to happen in the first place...  But by the end of the day, my nerves were fried.

At 8, I decided to give up and just let her play in the tub.  That usually does the trick to cure a rough day or a bad mood.  And it worked up until I actually bathed her and washed her hair.  That's when she lost it.  Screaming, uncontrollable tears, so much crying that she gagged....all she would say when I asked what was wrong was "I need you" (which translates to "I want you to hold me").  I finally got her out and dried off (warding off three gag attacks that she was able not to turn into puking all over everything, thank goodness), jammies on and hair brushed, and I could finally hold her.  She immediately relaxed.  We snuggled into the rocking chair (which is much tougher to do being 9 months pregnant) and within 2 minutes, she was sound asleep, moaning these little whimpers out....at 8:40.  This kid usually stays up until 10 and isn't allowed to go to be before 9 (because then she wakes up a couple hours later like it was just a nap).  But I could tell she just didn't feel right and neither of us felt like fighting it anymore.  So i moved her to her bed and snuggled in with her there for a couple of songs (she woke up crying during the move) before the sleepy whimpers started again.  

Fast forward to 5:00 am...howling is the best word I can use to describe the pitiful little noise she was making over the monitor.  I went in to calm her down and she begged to go sit in the rocking chair with me.  I was very ok with that, but when I picked her up, I realized she definitely had fever.  So before we hit the rocking chair, we hit the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol.

Sitting in the dark in that chair in the middle of the night brought me back to when that little girl was so much littler...  She and I had a rough time during her newborn phase, and I was almost brought to tears thinking back over it last night.  Because of how long ago that was and how much she's grown and changed; because I'm about to go through nights like that every night again with another tiny tot;  because my time with my sweet girl as my only child to snuggle and love on and comfort is dwindling quickly.

After a bit we moved back to her bed to snuggle because I couldn't breathe all that well with them both squishing me in the rocking chair.  She was wide eyed (which was so not a good sign)...  So since I was in the flashback phase already, I asked if she wanted to listen to some music.  She very much did.  So I got up and got my phone and let Selah serenade us into relaxation.  Every night for months, I fell asleep to their beautiful voices coming over the monitor as they sang my baby to sleep (at 2 weeks old we discovered her deep love for music...Selah was her group that relaxed her almost immediately).  The funny thing was that when I turned it on, Kaplan calmed down again too.

I hate for my kid to not feel well.  Hate.  But last night brought my hear some revelation and remembrance that it needed...  The realities of having another wee bebe are starting to hit me in some different ways, in times that take me off guard.

Oh how I pray my heart is full enough for two.  That my patience holds out and allows me to cherish the moments before they're gone.  That I can be the mama that these two precious and priceless gifts need and deserve.

Potty Training

Sooo.  We started the potty training journey on Friday.  Granted, this whole past year, we've worked on this off and on, but never consistently.  In all honesty, it was completely my fault.  She had shown interest, but especially after I got pregnant, I just didn't have the want to.  Plus this year has been crazy.  Cray-Cray.  Something major going on all. the. time.  Things finally started calming down after the youth rally in August, and I committed to working with her pretty hard core after that.

I knew when I really started working with her, it would need to be a couple of days when we would be home for the majority of or whole day (that happens pretty much almost never).  I also didn't want to deal with a potty chair or very many pull ups (especially not at home).  I wanted her to be completely self-sufficient to potty at home--lights on and off, hands washed, clothes on and off, and wiped.  That way when her brother gets here, if I'm tied up with him, she will be used to going on her own anyway.

So we spent the day Friday in real big girl panties.  And it was absolutely awful.

slave to the tiny person, the bathroom, the towels, the carpet cleaner...

I tried my mission of taking her every 10 minutes and making her try (and also to help prevent accidents).  However.  Most of those times, she knew she didn't have to go and we struggled through stubbornness and tears and aggravation and a whole lot of sitting with no potty success.  She peed six times that day--only one was in the toilet.  And she pooped.  Yeah, that wasn't in the toilet either...

except when she's pregnant and can't.  yay.

I was exhausted, impatient, and frustrated.  And worst of all--she could tell.  I never yelled at her for any accidents, but by the third one she picked up on my tension; she was crying and apologizing and I felt terrible.

The weekend was busy and spent mostly out of town, so I knew we weren't even going to attempt anything then.  Monday was full of errands and doctor's appointments (and some weekend recovery), so we didn't deal with anything then either.  But Tuesday, we had to kick it back in gear...although I really didn't want to.

So when she got up Tuesday, I sent her straight to the bathroom--and would you know it, she peed!  We were both so excited and giggly :)  I was already feeling a little better about the day.  But the trickiest part as I had learned from Friday was that first time after she woke up (it takes a while for her bladder to fill back up after the night apparently).  Much to my delight, she didn't fight me this time when I made her go try to potty every 20 minutes.  However, I didn't quite catch her at just the right time and she had an accident.  It was a bummer, but we were both ok with it and stayed positive.

And let me tell you something--that is the only accident she has had since!  Twice yesterday (Tuesday), she peed a tiny bit in her panties, was able to stop it and hold it and make it to the toilet to finish.  HUGE progress!  I can't tell you how much we have smiled and giggled and clapped and danced a little through these past two days :)

She's still in a pull up for a short trip somewhere and a diaper for longer trips and at night.  I'm a little nervous about nighttime training just because she sleeps so long (at least 12 hours a night...I know how lucky I am and I love every minute of it!).  But we'll work on that once we've for sure mastered the day time.  Plus she hasn't pooped in the toilet yet, so we have that milestone to accomplish too.

But let me tell you...one bad day of training, and then something just clicked.  I could NOT BE HAPPIER!!

Complete-ish.  At least peeing at home, we're good.  I'll take it!

If you're going through the potty training struggle, hang in there.  It's annoying and exhausting and pretty frustrating, but it's a necessary evil.  Unless we want to be hated by Kindergarten teachers everywhere!

Now, here's hoping she doesn't revert back when her brother gets here in a few weeks...

love, angie

this go round.

Let's just say this pregnancy has been all kinds of different...

First of all, I canNOT believe I'm already 23+ weeks along.  It is absolutely insane how quickly it is going by this time.  With Arabella, things didn't start to seem super fast until about week 35 (when reality hit that a kid was about to come out of me...).  This go round, I can't even remember how we got this far.  And the fact that another kid is about to come out of me...well let's just say that reality is hitting me a lot sooner.

For those who don't know yet, this little rascal is a boy :)  We are both so excited (even though I have no idea what I'm going to do with a mini-Hunter...)  I can already tell you he is crazy strong and feisty.  I felt both he and Arabella for the first time at 16 weeks.  She felt like a little bug, flutters here and there gradually getting stronger until Hunter could feel her from the outside at 22-23 weeks. From the beginning, this little boy has had some jabs.  His movements have been very defined from the get go, and he has been wiggling so hard in there that Hunter could feel him at 18 weeks. My whole stomach already jumps and rolls with him.  Oh man, he's going to be a little ball of fire!

I'm also carrying him a lot lower than Arabella.  She literally camped out in my ribs until they scooped her out (which is why they didn't even attempt to induce when my BP got so high).  This little guy kicks way down low.

I didn't have to potty all the time with Bella until the last trimester.  This guy has had me going since I before I took the test...

My hormones are crazy!  When I was pregnant with Arabella, I was actually pretty close to my normal self--no mood swings or cravings or intensified emotions (at least not much anyway).  This time?  Oh. My. Stars.  Every little thing gets on my nerves and under my skin.  My energy wanes quickly and my patience goes even quicker.  I am a moody mama... :/

Food...oh I love food!  I haven't been a full on petunia pig, but I have been much more lax this time than with Bella.  Plus, with her, I really didn't want to eat much at all the first trimester, and after that, just ate whatever we had.  This go round, I don't necessarily "crave" things out of the blue--but if I see something that strikes my fancy, my mind does not leave it alone until I get it in my mouth!  And while I have loved fruit big time (especially watermelon, grapes, and pineapple), I have definitely been much more drawn to flat out junk.

Heartburn has been a preggo pal of mine with both of these munchkins, but this time it got bad a whole lot quicker...  I had to take Prilosec to sleep the last 2 weeks with Bella--that may happen a lot sooner with the boy.

I've had Arabella's name picked out for years and we both always loved it.  So when we found out she was a girl, she immediately had a name.  We cannot for anything seem to agree on a name for this little fella.  It is so weird to know he's a boy but still not be able to call him by name...

I know without a doubt that the changes will only multiply exponentially once he gets here.  We are so excited to meet our little fella and see the new elements he brings to our little family.  But we are also trying to soak up and savor every ounce of time we have alone with Arabella.  Nothing will ever be the same!

here's to adventure
love, angie

El Roi--the God who sees

(obviously this was written a while back...however, I wasn't ready to share until now)

So...I'm pregnant!  There's a lot of back story to this go round:  a lot of doctor's visits, medicines, waiting, pain, tears, and prayers.  But here, on Monday, February 17, 2014, I found out I am indeed...pregnant!

It made me giggle to think about.  I started "feeling" like I was last week--random bouts of nausea, tight pants, random tiredness, etc.  But after the last year and a half, my hope was terrified to surface. The part that made me giggle inside though was the deja vu...  Three years ago (Febraury 20, 2011), I found out I was pregnant with Arabella.  It was President's Day, which of course is a Monday.  We were supposed to be out of school but were having to makeup a weather day (for snow) on that day.  Fast forward three years to today...Monday, President's Day, on which they were supposed to be off of school but are instead making it up from a weather (snow) day.  Haha--just craziness!  And proof that God of mine likes a good giggle too :)

Last night at church, our preacher delivered a lesson on "El Roi", the God who sees (he's going through a series on the names of God and it is really beautiful).  He used the story of Abram, Sarai, Hagar, and Ishmael, as this is the name Hagar calls when she realizes God sees her.  The point that struck me though is the side note he made about Ishmael.  He said we still produce Ishmaels today; for they are the product of not waiting on the Lord...for rushing our timeline instead of trusting in the beauty of the gifts we receive when we wait on Him.  I had been doing just that.  For any woman who has yearned desperately for a child, you understand--it consumes you.  I had been trying to rush what I wanted when I wanted it.  I needed to wait on the Lord.  My heart stirred at those words.  

I also read 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp a few months ago, and her in depth look at eucharisteo sent chills and then warmth all the way to my core.  I had not been thankful; I had not recognized the gifts of the moment because I was too focused on the future I wanted.  When I began thanking God for the extra months with Arabella, for the discussions and intimacy the waiting brought my marriage, for my growing prayer life and changing heart, for the better understanding of infertility and the heartache that so many women experience...that's when my heart began to change.  Realizing the gifts I was being given--even though they hurt--was such a beautiful transformation for me.  

So here I sit, writing the story that for a while, I never thought I would be able to.  And I am blessedly reminded and assured that I worship and love El Roi, the God who sees.  The God who sees me, in my desperation and heartache; the God who saw that and drew my heart closer to Him. 

Little one, you are so loved.  You have been prayed for and over for a very long time by quite a few people.  My heart is full and soon my precious tummy will be as well.  Grow strong, little blessed gift.  

love, angie

who's your best friend?

I asked my sweet toddler a question tonight as she trampled amongst the pillows and my husband on our bed.  She was giggling in her innocence, unscathed by the ugliness of the world.

...let them remind you of the wonder...

Amid the giggles and prancing, I asked, "Arabella, who's your best friend?"

I had never asked her this question.  We talk about her friends often--the other kids in Bible class, the neighbors, the children she met at my sister's daycare.  But I'd never asked who her best friend was.

To be honest, I was expecting the typical "mama" or "daddy", or maybe a grandparent or cousin.  I never expected her answer.

Without skipping a beat, she looked me right in the eye and replied, "baby Jesus".

Mine and Hunter's hearts went crazy!  How perfect and priceless and precious of an answer.

Wow.

My two year old just reopened my heart and its eyes.  I want to be just like her!

Oh, to live my life in the utmost understanding that Jesus--no longer a baby, but the King of Kings and my risen-from-the-dead Savior--that Jesus is my best friend.

Recognize that even the smallest minds and hearts are absorbing every single thing.  They understand and process more than we expect or think them able to.  So challenge them, teach them, explore and learn with them.  But don't you dare be afraid to learn from them.  Because with each new day, I'm understanding more and more that those are some of the most profound lessons you will ever experience.

love, angie

a come to Jesus meeting...

We've all heard that phrase.  And to some kids, the threat of one of those is enough to snap them back into shape.

I just had to have one with my two year old.  What fun.

She was already up a little later than usual (we're night owls, she and I), and we are working on learning to help clean up our messes.  So before she went to bed, I wanted her to put all of her tea party accessories back into their giant tea pot storage container.  I was working on picking up the rest of her mess, and for her, this was a manageable and understandable task--that she has performed a few times before when asked.

But these past two days, a little rebellious spirit has decided to reside in my sweet angel--and in the name of Jesus he needs to leave!  She's begun throwing things, pushing and squawking when she doesn't get her way, and the be all to end all that resulted in our little throw down tonight, telling mama no...

She thought that was a good idea.  It wasn't.

So when I asked her to please put the toys back into her teapot (notice the please in there--and might I add the tone was pleasant as well)...and she replied with "no!", my nerves got a little frazzled.  I then repeated the request to which she again replied "No!" and tried to crawl back on the couch.  Frazzled was being maxed.

I pulled her tiny body back down to the floor, gave it spanking #1, and repeated the request with a little less of a pleasant tone.  Still received a "no!"  OH. MY. LANTA.  Spanking #2 (and possibly #3, can't really remember). I continued to pick up some things that went in her room and let her know that if she hadn't started picking up by the time I got back, she would be spanked again and would have to stand in the corner.

I'll give you a second to guess what happened next.  That's right!  My perfectly well-behaved child had not only begun to pick up her toys, but she had finished by the time I walked back in and had also started picking up her other toys!    Yeah, no.

So after more spats and spankings than I counted (I don't beat her, but she does need to be reminded of who holds authority) and two trips to the corner, my snotty nosed, puffy eyed, slobbery mess of a daughter still refused to pick up her toys.  Since she really needed to go to bed and I was really ready for her to go to bed--but still refusing to let her win--I sat on the floor with her and grabbed her hand, forcing it to pick up all of her tea party pieces.

And then she went straight to bed.

I was so tempted to just cover her up, kiss her head, and walk right out.  But my little baby who was still having the "stop crying, catch your breaths" whimpered "Jees luh me, Jees luh me..."  And my frazzled retreated a little bit.

Because in the literal minute it took me to get her tucked in, sung over, kissed and loved, my mind and heart were racing with so many thoughts:  she is your gift, treasure her; she needs to know you love her, be tender; she craves your grace, offer it; she won't be this little long...savor it.

I've been studying gratitude and grace in preparation for a Ladies' Day a friend and I are putting together.  And it has been intense on my heart.  And in these moments tonight, I remembered that I don't have to completely lose my mind every time my kid rebels or questions or hurts me.  I remembered to be grateful for this beautiful gift of motherhood, especially as my heart was turned to remember the many women whose hearts long for nothing more.  I remembered to take time to reflect and give myself the opportunity to offer grace.

And the Lord knows I need those reminders because these little meetings with my daughter are just only beginning, I know.  I'm also trying to remind myself that strong-willedness and independence will be characteristics that I am so proud and so grateful for her to have...when she's older... :P

So I'm gonna take some deep breaths, settle in with a little glass of vino, and let my heart cherish my baby.  Because she won't be this little long...  And she is learning how to handle difficult situations and conflict by how I handle difficult situations in conflict.  What a gracious burden.

be patient with your littles, and reflect the love of Jesus

love, angie

Dear Arabella,

It seems like last week that I sat down to write your one year letter.  Even moreso, it feels like last month that I was sitting down to tell your birth story.  But realistically, here I sit writing you a letter for your second birthday.

My beautiful Arabella--you are TWO years old today!  They say time flies when you're having fun;  and in your case, I completely agree.  Time is flying by...it can only be because we are having a blast!

You are so full of personality.  You keep me and your daddy giggling all the time.  Those good kind of giggles that make you just happy all the way through--you do that for us.  You're also so intelligent.  Your memory is amazing and your ability to understand what we're asking--and then communicate back to us--is just, wow.

You're pretty much the coolest kid alive.  Ever.  Hands down.  And the most beautiful.

This past year has really been SO much fun!  Getting to watch you grow and learn and figure things out has been so neat.  You change daily (sometimes hourly...) and are constantly surprising us with something new you've picked up on.

Things you are loving right now:

--Mickey Mouse!  Holy moly you love that theatrical rodent and all of his clubhouse friends.  You will sit and watch the show for hours...  But he makes you smile and he doesn't get on my nerves, so all is well :)

--helping your daddy with anything.  Whether it's sitting on his work bench and helping him load ammo, crawling around on the ground and grease to help him work on the cars, or catching slimy fish on the boat.  If he's outside, you better be out there with him!

--Conner the big, brown, Belgian horse.  You met him at the Dixie Stampede when we went up with Aunt Chelle and fell in love!  Now, every horse you see or hear or imagine is Conner :)

--to limbo!  I have got to catch you on video doing this.  Ever since a birthday party last month where they did the limbo, you walk around the house with your back arched as far you can and still walk, saying "I imbo, I imbo" the whole time.  It is absolutely hilarious!

--Your big girl bed!  We made the switch to a toddler bed a few weeks ago, and you absolutely love it!  You still love your sleep (that's my girl) and average 12-13 hours a night.  Usually, if you wake up before noon, you'll still take a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon too.  Bed time has become so enjoyable (not that it was really that bad before).  And you're so good that you won't get out of your bed at all until someone comes in there to tell you you're allowed to.

--The moon and stars and airplanes.  One thing you and daddy love to do each night is walk outside together and find all of these up in the sky.  You have such a good eye for those airplanes!  And you get so excited when you find them...and the moon...and the stars...  (daddy even writes to make sure I bring you out to find the moon when he's out of town and can't take you.  it's a pretty special moment with you for him.)

--"Jesus Loves Me".  This has become our "one and only, nothing else will do" bedtime song.  You beg and whimper for it even as you're drifting off to dreamland.  And several times, if you wake in the middle of the night, I hear you begging for "Jees luh me" over the monitor.  You've also started singing parts of it; hearing your tiny voice sing about Jesus and his love is simply beautiful.

--animals!  Last month you were able to go to two different zoos and aquariums (Houston and KC) and the petting zoo at Aunt Chelle's.  I loved getting to see your little face when you found each animal; hearing you talk to them and make their sounds at them; watch your wonderment at getting to touch starfish and stingray, goats and cows.

--you still love music.  Anytime I need you to sleep in the car and you're fighting it, I can simply play our Selah CD and within 1-2 songs, you've usually drifted off (this is the music you slept with as a baby).  You also love to dance and sing, and have started repeating song lyrics and tunes we sing (from Itsy Bitsy Spider, If You're Happy and You Know It, This Little Light of Mine, and Old MacDonald to some of the radio songs that mama listens to in the car and sings all around the house...)

--giving knuckles!  If anyone asks for knuckles, you make your way around the whole group until everyone has fist bumped with you...sometimes you even make them do both hands!  Also, if anyone around you gives someone else knuckles, you definitely find it necessary to get in on that action.

--Uncle Si and Duck Dynasty, haha!  I got you a little shirt to sleep in that has a picture of Si and one of his quotes on it.  You loooove that shirt and if you see it, you want to wear it.  You also get so excited when you see any of the Robertsons on TV--you call them all Uncle Si.  Probably one of the funniest things you've done involved Uncle Si...  We pulling out of a parking lot when you pointed to a couple a ways off getting out of their car, and said, "Ook!  Who's at?"  We were confused because they looked nothing like any of "your people".  It was a middle aged couple, but the man had a long gray ponytail.  When we asked what you were talking about, you pointed back to the same couple and said, "Ook!  It's Uncle Si!"  We still get a good giggle about that one :)

Things I want to remember:

--your giggle.  Aunt Chelle, Aunt Mel, and I all three make this weird little noise when we're trying to stifle a laugh...and you do it too :)  It doesn't matter what kind of day I'm having or what kind of mood I'm in, your laugh melts me.  I never want to forget what it sounds like from year to year.

--the crinkle in your nose.  When you smile or think or are just being silly, you scrunch your little nose up.  And I just think it is the most adorable thing ever.

--the sound of your sweet voice saying "I luh you", especially when you say it first (without us telling you we love you first).

--how squeaky and high pitched your little voice is, especially when you get excited :)

--how when we sit down to eat, you initiate the prayer.  If daddy and I start eating before we say it, you stretch both of your little hands out to grab ours and insist, "Pray!"  Then you bow your head and squinch your little eyes closed until we say Amen...then of course you join in on saying that loud and clear!

--your kisses.  That sweet little pucker of a normal kiss; the silly wiggle of an eskimo kiss; and the precious flutter of a butterfly kiss (always both eyes...)

--you don't just tell people bye anymore...  You've added "later!" to it, along with their name.  You usually won't say it until they're actually leaving you, but you definitely know when someone or something is going bye.   Also, you tell everything bye!  The moon when we have to go inside, the animals at the zoo when we leave their cage, your toys, the house...everything!

--Every. Little. Thing.

My mind is blown when I try to wrap my head around the fact that you're two.  My baby is gone and you have evolved into a full fledged big kid.  You are so much fun!  You are also one of the sweetest little things to ever exist--you show care and concern when you know something is wrong, you use your manners constantly, you share willingly, and you give the absolute best hugs and kisses.  Mama and Daddy have definitely reached the point where it's hard to remember what life was like before it centered around you--and we don't want to imagine what it would ever be like again without you. You, Arabella, are my most treasured gift, and I promise that I will always love you more than you will ever know.  Stay curious and full of life!  You are so precious...and you have changed us for the better.

Happy birthday, sweet girl!  You're my favorite.

xoxo

love, mama

my sweet toddle tot

I'm feeling the need for a major kid update tonight.  She has changed SO very much these past few months (it's noticeable daily hourly now, y'all...).  I just sat there two nights ago and literally could not believe that she's a full fledge big kid now.  It just doesn't seem right...

Anywho, she is pretty much the coolest tiny human I have ever met in my life.  And she's absolutely gorgeous on top of that!  She's so fun, creative, well-mannered, curious, smart,and just plain awesome.

Let's chat a little about the fun things she does lately:

• She dances.  Now this is nothing new because this kid has always loved to dance.  But now when she hears music and gets the urge to boogie, she wants to dance with someone...and she commands that person to dance as well.  She'll run up and grab both hands, shout "dance", and off she goes!
• She just shouted "ready, set, go" for the first time tonight--too cute.
• Nearly every time you ask what color something is, her reply is pink (occasionally we'll get a blue or green).  This is much to her "she can't have anything pink" daddy's dismay.
• She is obsessed with loves all things Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  So much so that a song from the show came on Pandora today and she named out each character as they sang.  And we have 30 episodes saved on the DVR.  And we have 9 DVDs of the show...  You wouldn't think that was excessive if you knew how much this kid loves that mouse and all his friends.

• She started counting a few weeks ago--1,2..6,7,8.  Every time.  And if you try to get her to say 1,2,3 she says "noooo!" and corrects you to say 1, 2, 6, 7, 8....
• We have the saying "together is a wonderful place to be" on our wall above our bed.  Every night she points out the letters--she knows O (she can recognize these anywhere), S (she can recognize these anywhere), P, and sometimes E, B, and A.  We're proud :)
• She also recognizes the numbers 2 and 8 when she sees them
• When she leaves someone, she has started saying "you too" instead of "bye".  This is because when we go to a store or restaurant and the server ends with "have a good day", I always reply "you too"--and she repeats.  So now she says it on her own when she has to part ways.
• Her favorite songs that she can sing (at least parts of) and do motions to are "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", "If You're Happy and You Know It", "Old McDonald" (also know as Yi-Yi-Yoo...and the only animal Bella puts on his farm is the chicken), and "This Little Light of Mine"
• She knows so many animal sounds that I've lost count.  I'm going to try to list them, but I'll probably forget one.  Frog, Rabbit (scrunches nose and sniffs), Lion, Tiger, Bear, Monkey, Bird, Elephant (lifts one arm and blows through her lips), Crab (pinches pointer and thumb), Alligator (clamps whole hand together), Rooster, Chicken, Dog, Cat, Fish (opens and closes her mouth real quick several times), Sheep, Horse, Cow, Bug (ssss...ewww...yuckies), Snake, Turtle (she recognizes them, but for some reason she insists they ribbit), Butterfly (flaps both arms up and down like crazy)...and I'm probably forgetting some
• She loves to pray.  When we all sit down to eat, she asks for both of our hands, and says, "let pay".  Then she squints her eyes and bows her head (for about the first 5 seconds...); when it's over she squeezes our hands and shouts "Amen!"
• She loves to shout "Amen!" in church at the end of every prayer as well (or if the preacher asks if he can get an amen...she always obliges).  You can always see the shoulders of everyone bouncing up and down as they chuckle at her.
• That kid says "thank you" more often than anyone I've ever met (and in context).  You can be handing her each individual card in a full deck, and she'll thank you all 52 individual times.  This was her third full word (after daddy and Tech) and we never had to work on it.  She picked it up on her own and always, always shows her gratitude.  A lot of times when she's thanking me, she'll sneak in a "my" as in, "tank chu my mama"...Melt. My. Heart.

• She also says "yes please" whenever she wants something or needs help or is asked to use her words.  "I hold you", "Help!", "Dat's Right!" and "I stuck!" are some of our other favorite phrases.
• She climbed out of her crib for the first time today; and considering I walked in to her clinging to the outer edge for dear life, screaming in terror, I'm hoping she won't do it again.  We are however going to be switching to a toddler bed soon as a result.  I was going to use that as my clue that she was ready (unless she got to a ridiculous age to still be in a crib first!  Fret not, she wouldn't have started Kindergarten in a crib :P)
• She loves to talk on the phone--they're one of her favorite toys.  And she actually talks!  "hwo! wcha doin?  baby jibber...K! Bye!"  
• Books are a necessity, especially in the car and at church.  And at home.  And anywhere we go really.  I'm really hoping she'll have my love of reading and both mine and Hunter's love of learning.
• She is still Hunter's little helper.  Whether he's reloading ammo, working on cars, fishing in the boat...that little tot is right by his side.  If he's in the garage and she's not with him, she stands at the door, beats on it, screaming "Daa-ey! Daa-ey!" until he lets her go play with him :)

• She recognizes the LA Tech symbol and the state of Louisiana, pointing them out and naming them anytime she spots one.  Talk about make these parents proud!
• She also loves football--going to the games and watching them on TV (Score!  No clue where she got that love from ;)  She recognizes the balls and their helmets as belonging to football.  She'll also say Who Dat! (and knows to go get our Saints football when we say that!)
• Speaking of Who Dats and Fleur de Lis...Hunter has a tattoo on his shoulder of a fleur de lis and AJ, Arabella's initials.  He'll add to it with each kid we have, which I think is pretty sweet... Anywho.  Bella saw it a few months ago and asked what it was, so we told her "that's AJ!"  Now any time she sees a fleur de lis, she points out, "Dat's AJ!"
• She calls me Angie and her daddy Hunter a lot of the time...  It's not said in disrespect so we let it slide and usually giggle about it.  Last time Hunter was out of town for work, she really missed him and struggled with him being gone.  However, instead of whining for daddy, she moped around the house saying, "I awnt Hunner...where Hunner...I awnt Hunner"
• She knows the difference between a car and a truck and a motorcycle (calls it a bike) and a boat...however, they all go "voom voom!"
• That little girl loves shoes.  She'll come stand next to me, grab my leg, and ask for my shoes--expecting me to give her the ones right off my feet!  And of course I do...  If she finds a pair of shoes out, they go on her feet (she's flopping around in Hunter's size 15 Crocs right now as I type this...).  She even takes the shoes from ladies at church!  

• Last week, she started holding her hand to her ear and either whispering "lissen" or saying "herd dat?" anytime she hears a noise from a distance (a car going down the road, Hunter working on something in the other room, the washing machine, any little noise!)
• She gives the absolutely sweetest and best hugs and kisses.  Actual squeezes in the hugs and puckered little binkie-less lips for the kisses.  She also gives butterfly and eskimo kisses--and that just makes me smile :)

There's so much more that I can't put it all in this post...  She's just a really stinkin' cool kid.  And we have no idea why we were the lucky ones chosen to guide her through this life.

I love my little weirdo...and I never ever want her to want to be "normal"...

Now I have to start planning her SECOND birthday party!  Time goes by much too quickly for my liking...

Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into our lives :)

love, angie

Scary Mommy Confession

My brother in law posted this picture on Facebook a few months ago, and I laughed so hard...and it has stuck with me.  So Much TRUTH!

And it kept replaying over and over and over in my head these past two days.  Because as my beautiful and precious toddler spent 85% of her awake time either squawking or screaming or throwing a fit or misbehaving or arching her back or kicking or refusing to obey....there were times when my patience ran thin!

But right as my mind was about to be lost, she would do something incredibly adorable or snuggle on my shoulder or ask for me to hold her or give me a hug or simply smile a most beautiful smile at me...and all my tensed emotions just seemed to melt away...

Ohhhh, she's lucky she's so dern cute.

love your babies; even when they make you crazy.

love, angie