Monday, August 25, 2014

Lucky Number Seven

Back when it all began...we were babies (18 & 16).  When we left the house that night, my dad told my mom that I'd just left with their son-in-law so she'd better get used to him.  Father's intuition...
Seven years...  That is such a hard number for me to wrap my head around.  How on earth have we already been married for seven years?

There are a lot of things I really don't like about our right now.
I hate your turnaround work schedule.
I hate how stressed out you have been lately and that it's made you snore again.
I hate that our future plans just got thrown up in the air.
I hate that we can't fully and completely be overwhelmed with and solely focused on this pregnancy.
I hate that I'm moody most of the time, most days.
I hate that we are always busy.

I love us so much.
I love our little girl and I'm already pretty smitten with our little boy.
I love how you make me giggle.
I love how my head fits perfectly in your chest when we hug.
I love our memories and I love our friends.
I love the few moments of downtime we get together.
I love how you lead our family, but never overshadow me.  I love that we are a team.
I love that no matter how up in the air everything else is, we are grounded together.

It's not always easy, it's not always fun, it's not always what we ever expected; but there is no journey I would choose to walk other than ours.

It's you and me, babe.  Forever.
Let's never stop dancing.  Minefields and all.
Happy Anniversary
love, angie

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Not a great night.

Pretty much every day of this pregnancy, I've felt like a pretty crummy mom.  I don't have the energy or the want to do the fun and usually simple things that bring such joy to my daughter's tiny heart.  I just don't feel good almost all of the time. And this anemia/can't catch my breath business is wearing on me hard. My patience levels are at an all time low, and my sweet girl tends to get the brunt of that. Bed time isn't usually enjoyable for me anymore; every little disagreement or button push sends me to an upset place quickly. And I seem to have sensory sensitivity overload as well. Even being hugged too long (as if there were such a thing) or climbed all over or grabbed or pulled on...grates my nerves. Almost literally. 

I hate it. 

The worst part is that I know I'll never get this time back. These days are so precious and the ones of her being an only child are dwindling. Quickly. Because of this, I feel guilty almost all of the time.

I hate it.  

I'm just a sad mama needing to vent tonight.  Praying my hormones and levels line out soon. And that I somehow find the umph to fight through and be everything my little girl needs me to be right now. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Is it Fall yet?

In this house--yes!  Anyone who knows me even a little knows that this is my favorite time of year...Fall and Winter: all the holidays, colors, decorations, weather changes, snuggly clothes, good smells and great food, school starting, football returning...what is not to love?!

I've been fooling myself this past week.  When the calendar switched over to August, that gave me full permission to burst into Fall mode.  I started that with one of my absolute favorites--burning a Leaves candle from Bath and Body Works.  That smell alone is enough to send my heart a flutter!  So a few days ago, I woke up and lit one of those babies...and immediately felt the warmth of Fall time take over my house.  My house was still holding the chill of the night (we like to sleep with it cold), the sun shining through my windows was so pretty, and that smell made everything feel happy.  I had convinced myself it was actually Fall!  And then I stepped outside...  Big mistake.  Hello 95* and 200% humidity.  Bleh.  

BUT.  I will continue burning my yummy candles and next week I plan to pumpkin-ify this house like nobody's business :)  I may even have to make some of these little morsels (I used a spice cake mix) to help me stay in my happy little fall world, away from the hot, sticky yuck that is still the reality of Southeast Texas...

Happy Fall, Y'all...almost ;)
love, angie

Monday, August 11, 2014

a little whine.

I'm going to use this today as my vent board.  Don't feel pressured to read--I know it's no fun...

Yesterday was the first time this entire pregnancy that instead of feeling like time was flying by, I felt like I still had forever to go.  I'm down to less than 10 weeks (sched. c-section 1 week early), and while that seems so incredibly close (and in reality, it is!), these symptoms are kicking into high gear and making it feel like I'll never feel good again.

Let me say this--I adore being pregnant.  I am beyond grateful for every kick and prod and wiggle my little man gives me to remind me we're in this together.  I am humbled to know that we were gifted another precious miracle when so many are denied that opportunity.  I am thrilled to be allowed and able to carry my children.  I am blessed by this journey.

With Arabella, I really had such a smooth pregnancy until the very end--no mood swings, light but controllable indigestion, no major discomfort.  (all of that changed in that last month, but it was still doable).

This little boy had other plans for his mama.  My indigestion/heartburn started around week 8 and has gotten severely worse each week.  Last night, I was up for most of the night battling reflux, readjusting my head height, and popping Tums.  I've been taking Pepcid the past month to try to help (per Dr.'s orders) and they haven't done much.  It's just out and out miserable.  And it's not only at night.  And it doesn't only hinge on what I eat or drink (even a glass of water will sit at the base of my throat).  When I think of 10 more weeks and this situation has only worsened the whole time, I get a little teary in my eyes...  I'm really hoping and praying that at my appt next week, I'll be far enough along to take something stronger and that it will work!

The lovely RLS also started to make its debut this week.  Hunter even joked how much the baby must be moving last night because he was shaking the whole bed...  I can't help it!  No position is comfortable and if I'm stretched out, my legs want to move.  Constantly.

Breathing has become incredibly difficult.  And oddly enough, standing still is when it's the hardest to catch it.  I've had to resort to squatting down while standing in line at a store.  Or pulling up a case of paper while a friend browsed the aisles.  I just can't stand for hardly any period of time.  Of course, I lose it when I'm active too, but strangely, standing takes it right out of me the quickest.

This little boy is strong.  And feisty.  Arabella moved a lot too so that's nothing new for me.  But she was just a wiggler--she'd roll and stretch and move pretty fluidly.  This boy.  He has been jabbing me since the first time I felt him move!  Like out and out punching and kicking (oh the joys we'll have when he gets here if this reflects his personality!).  He literally does flips--I can feel it and see it as he twirls around and around in the same spot.  And he'll aggressively kick my innards and my ribs.  I don't know about you, but to me, that doesn't feel so great!

And woo to the hoo, I get to go in tomorrow morning for my glucose test.  I am praying so fully that everything comes back great from this.  Just having that test done once is terrible enough for me.

So here we go little fella--10ish weeks is all we have left together this way.  And then I get to snuggle you in close and kiss all over your little face.  And my favorite part--I get to watch your daddy and sister do the same.  We are all so very excited to meet you and add your dynamic to our already crazy little family.  But can you take it easy on me until then?

love, angie/mama