Tuesday, September 23, 2014

a little flashback

Yesterday was so full of whining, it was on the border of ridiculous.  All I had to do was ask her to stop whining--she'd say, "ok", and then ask or tell me whatever it was in her normal voice.  I have no clue (other than being almost 3 years old) why the whining had to happen in the first place...  But by the end of the day, my nerves were fried.

At 8, I decided to give up and just let her play in the tub.  That usually does the trick to cure a rough day or a bad mood.  And it worked up until I actually bathed her and washed her hair.  That's when she lost it.  Screaming, uncontrollable tears, so much crying that she gagged....all she would say when I asked what was wrong was "I need you" (which translates to "I want you to hold me").  I finally got her out and dried off (warding off three gag attacks that she was able not to turn into puking all over everything, thank goodness), jammies on and hair brushed, and I could finally hold her.  She immediately relaxed.  We snuggled into the rocking chair (which is much tougher to do being 9 months pregnant) and within 2 minutes, she was sound asleep, moaning these little whimpers 8:40.  This kid usually stays up until 10 and isn't allowed to go to be before 9 (because then she wakes up a couple hours later like it was just a nap).  But I could tell she just didn't feel right and neither of us felt like fighting it anymore.  So i moved her to her bed and snuggled in with her there for a couple of songs (she woke up crying during the move) before the sleepy whimpers started again.  

Fast forward to 5:00 am...howling is the best word I can use to describe the pitiful little noise she was making over the monitor.  I went in to calm her down and she begged to go sit in the rocking chair with me.  I was very ok with that, but when I picked her up, I realized she definitely had fever.  So before we hit the rocking chair, we hit the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol.

Sitting in the dark in that chair in the middle of the night brought me back to when that little girl was so much littler...  She and I had a rough time during her newborn phase, and I was almost brought to tears thinking back over it last night.  Because of how long ago that was and how much she's grown and changed; because I'm about to go through nights like that every night again with another tiny tot;  because my time with my sweet girl as my only child to snuggle and love on and comfort is dwindling quickly.

After a bit we moved back to her bed to snuggle because I couldn't breathe all that well with them both squishing me in the rocking chair.  She was wide eyed (which was so not a good sign)...  So since I was in the flashback phase already, I asked if she wanted to listen to some music.  She very much did.  So I got up and got my phone and let Selah serenade us into relaxation.  Every night for months, I fell asleep to their beautiful voices coming over the monitor as they sang my baby to sleep (at 2 weeks old we discovered her deep love for music...Selah was her group that relaxed her almost immediately).  The funny thing was that when I turned it on, Kaplan calmed down again too.

I hate for my kid to not feel well.  Hate.  But last night brought my hear some revelation and remembrance that it needed...  The realities of having another wee bebe are starting to hit me in some different ways, in times that take me off guard.

Oh how I pray my heart is full enough for two.  That my patience holds out and allows me to cherish the moments before they're gone.  That I can be the mama that these two precious and priceless gifts need and deserve.

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